Is That a Queef I Smell or Are You Just Happy to See Me?

Is it normal for a man to thoroughly enjoy a good joke about vaginal flatulence? A naive version of myself would have said yes to this in a heart beat. But the seasoned vet I am today, has to be honest when answering. The truth is, queefs, varts, cunt farts or whatever the kids are calling them these days, aren't even that funny. And you won't ever realize this until you been privy to a living, breathing bout of the chronic queef. Over the years, countless varts have been fired off recklessly in my general direction. And let me tell you, friends, they are revolting and generally reek of an animal waste product.

If a queef were to happen during sex, my dick would go limp faster than a homosexual's wrist. I can't even look at the girl in the same light, as a matter of fact, from that moment on the relationship is in a steady state of decline. Sure it may not be her fault, but how would she react if I farted or took an "accidental" poop on her face while we were doin' it? My guess is the answer to that question isn't "in stride."

At this point in my life, I'd sooner laugh at a retard before I laughed at a vart joke, it just seems to me like the humane thing to do...

For more Waffles' madness go to http://www.brobible.com/

The Nations Top 20 Colleges (That Matter)

In lieu of GQ taking a hot dump in the mouths of 25 schools, calling them "douchey," we here at BroBible wanted to do the exact opposite of those dickbeards and celebrate some of the best institutions of higher learning in this country. Every college or university in this great nation has something unique to offer; from the important stuff like raging parties and hot, skanky broads, to the trivial matters like education and philanthropy. So when we made our list, we decided to remove the insignificant altogether and base our selections on quality of women, party scene, presence of STDs, athletic successes, off-campus night life, and geographical location. Now would also be a good time to apologize to anyone who goes to school in Idaho, Montana, Iowa, either of the Dakotas, or any other school in a state not listed below. The fact is, your states fucking suck and you should really consider transferring and start making better decisions with your life.


In a perfect world, the male college experience would span 10 years -- that is how long it takes a man's brain to mature -- and we would get to spend each semester over the course of those years at a new school. Sure, if college lasted that long we'd probably be dead from liver disease and dickless from all the unprotected sex, but fuck it, we're renegades.


One semester is a perfect amount of time to acclimate yourself with your new city, scope out and drill an array of hot chicks, and make one hell of a reputation for yourself. Our dreamy scenario is sort of like "Van Wilder," but on steroids. Below is a list of the Top 20 schools that we would attend if we could do it all over again, one drunken, sex-filled semester at a time.



Year 1, Fall Semester: University of Texas

Sixth Street is a great area to hangout and an ideal scene for getting completely wasted. A vast majority of the females in the student body are from Texas and Texas girls like to get down and dirty. So leave your condoms, morals, and hand sanitizer at home and get ready to raw-dog an asshole or two.


Year 1, Spring Semester: Indiana

With hot chicks, crazy parties, and a world-renowned basketball program, it's no wonder that Playboy and Princeton Review has rated IU the #1 party school. Having a top business program doesn't hurt either -- if you're into that sort of thing. We're not.

Year 2, Fall Semester: University of Southern California

USC would have made this list based on their football team's achievements alone but having an attractive student body and being minutes away from Hermosa Beach sealed its fate. Plus the mascot is a fucking condom. What's that? Their mascot isn't a condom? Well, fuck me then.

Year 2, Spring Semester: Southern Methodist University

The football team is the laughing stock of college football, but the school has hot, rich girls that wear minimal clothing and love to tea bag a nice set of semen-filled balls.

Keep reading at http://www.brobible.com/Story/27285